**CC’s Note: I’ve checked with multiple religious authorities in preparing this post and was assured that it was in no way blasphemous, sacrilegious or a one-way ticket to hell. And as all yeast, flour and corn syrup have been removed, it has also been deemed Kosher for Passover.**

Thousands of years ago (or maybe it just feels like thousands of years) the Capitals were brought to the hockey desert of Washington, DC. They were brought there to be a new hope, to spread the love of hockey where the love of hockey had never bloomed before.

But the town knew not of this novel sport, uneasy around the strange traditions and customs that made them so different from the rest of the city’s professional sports teams. The Caps were weak and easily submitted to a ruling class – they soon found themselves enslaved by not only the Redskins but a league who shunned their potential and the teams that would seek to hold them down. They toiled in mediocrity for far too long, rising up just far enough to gain some momentum before crashing down again.

Then one day a leader emerged, instructed by the diehard fans and guided by a love for the sport to lead this team so burdened with potential to freedom.

So it was that Ted Leonsis took the reins of a floundering team, a team tired of toiling away only to see others benefit, a team longing for greatness.

At first Leonsis’ pleas went unrecognized – by the Redskins, by the city, by the league. He warned them all that there would great retribution for continuing to enslave the people of the Washington Capitals. They laughed and patted him on the head and sent him on his way, content to feed off of the Caps’ hard work without rewarding them or granting them freedom.

And so there was unleashed a flurry of plagues upon the people of Washington – ten in all, each more horrible than the last…

Alexei Tezikov
Kris Beech (c. 2000)
Rico Fata
Jakub Klepis
Andrew Cassels
Kris Beech (c. 2005)
Mathieu Biron
Ivan Majesky
Jeff Friesen
Jaromir Jagr

It wasn’t until this final plague, the plague of the disinterested, overpaid underachiever, that things began to change for the better.

Freedom was nigh.

In the year of the lockout a number of teams built up big, beefy payrolls that would carry them through the end of the year – the Caps protected themselves by dismantling the unwanted, the heavy burdens of inflated contracts and overinflated egos. And thus the curse of the lockout “passed over” (Pesach) the scrappy Capitals…and at last they could be free.

On the cusp of freedom, so close that they could taste it, they still found themselves pursued by lesser teams – but a greater power was with them, and when they reached the draft lottery the numbers parted and presented them with Alex Ovechkin.

Armed with the Great 8 the Caps set out for their ultimate goal. Yet they still found themselves wandering in the desert, searching for the Promised Land yet always ending up back at that cactus they passed three days ago.

Men…they just never ask for directions.

It was only on the strength of some young warriors with names like Semin, Backstrom and Green, as well as wise and experienced men of great knowledge like Fedorov and Theodore, that the Caps managed to find their way through the vast wasteland and emerge at last in the Promised Land – swathed in red and stronger than ever. There was much rejoicing around the team, tempered only by the knowledge that a journey like this is never quite finished.

Not without a drink from a special Cup.

And so today we remember their great journey and tell the tale of their exodus from obscurity to contender, from afterthought to opening story, from nameless mediocrity to the star-studded elite. We honor those who came before and repeat the story every year so that our children and grandchildren and bandwagoning friends can learn from the past – once we were slaves in the NHL, but now we are free.

To all who have suffered alongside me for their love of hockey and the Caps, and to all those around the world gorging themselves with matzah for the next week…Happy Passover and Happy Almost-Playoffs!