Reaching into the virtual mailbag, today’s “Ask CapsChick” comes from fellow Caps fangirl and esteemed blogger DC Sports Chick. And as one would expect from the queen of Caps blogging, it’s a high-class question indeed…

Dear CapsChick,

Which Cap (past or present) has the best butt?
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Reason #12 – Caps’ PA Announcer Wes Johnson

One of the things that makes hockey so special is the fact that the live experience is like no other. It’s a feast for the senses. It’s the smell of the traditional arena foods meeting the taste of a frosty beer mingling with the chill of the ice. It’s the bright white ice and the skaters’ dizzying speed combined with the scrape of blades on ice and the thump of bodies against glass.

And here in DC, it’s all enhanced by the deep, booming bass of our lovable PA announcer, Wes Johnson.

No matter where your mind may be upon arriving at the Phone Booth, once you hear that distinctive voice filling the air you’re in full-on hockey mode. There’s nothing like hearing Wes welcome us to the “marqueeeeeeeeeeeeeee matchup”. No one says “your Washington Capitals” quite like him. Alex Ovechkin’s name sounds almost holy when uttered by Mr. Johnson.

His voice is expressive, rising with excitement when announcing power plays or Capitals goals while echoing our sentiments when things take a turn for the worse. Wes adds the final note, the exclamation point, the cherry on the sundae to what is already an exciting live experience. In my mind, at least, he is the cream of the crop – the best in the business, hands down.

Come on…what other PA announcer would do this for his team?

Reason #13 – Joe B. and Locker

When you can’t get to the rink to see the boys live, look no further than Joe B. and Locker – otherwise known as Joe Beninati and former Cap Craig Laughlin, the dazzling duo in charge of the TV side of things here in DC. They’re sometimes silly and often prone to off-topic discussion, but they’re also extremely entertaining and more importantly, they know their stuff.

To some outside the area they may be an acquired taste. To locals and former locals, however, they’re merely the sound of home. They transform the game from the two-dimensional image on the screen to make us feel part of the action, no matter how far away we may be.

Half broadcast team, half comedy duo, Joe B. and Locker have become a staple of Caps games both home and away. Whether it’s hearing Joe B. describe a player “scampering” into the zone or listening to Locker’s dulcet tones as he talks about the whip in a player’s “twig”, it’s all part of the Caps viewing experience – and lucky for us, these guys are among the best.

Apologies for the prolonged absence – apparently the official Cheap Seats laptop has decided to take a vacation as well. Never fear, though, for we’re nicknaming it Ovechkin; and we all know that Russian machine never break. He just…has a little too much e-vodka.

In the meantime, here’s a little klutzy two-for-one special to ease the Thursday blues:

Reason #10 – The funny bounce

Combine a sheet of solid ice, a hunk of frozen rubber, an arena filled with 20,000 screaming fans and 60 minutes of hard-hitting action, and what do you get? A recipe for disaster. Or hilarity.

It really depends on what jersey you wear.

Any sport can have those fluky bounces that make the highlight reels on any given night – the ball that bounces off the outfielders head for a home run, that kind of thing. But no sport is quite as fun-filled as hockey, where even when you know where the puck is going you don’t really know. If you’ve ever seen someone like Dominik Hasek play goal you know that at the very least, he doesn’t know.

Deflections off the boards, shots bouncing in off of shin pads, funny caroms and dangerous corners and glass that doesn’t quite have that oomph you were expecting…it all makes for a wildly chaotic and unpredictable game. The fast end-boards of the Bell Centre in Montreal. The divots in the craptastic ice at Verizon Center. Tomas Holmstrom’s entire career. It may not be the prettiest reason to love hockey and the Caps have certainly been on the losing end of this phenomenon a few too many times. But you can’t deny that it adds to the entertainment value.

There are some great sharpshooters and snipers in this league and they don’t make a living based on the fluky bounce. But even the most skilled and precise shooters will tell you that a lot of times you’re better off just flinging it at the net than trying to pick your spot.

Why? Because you never know what can – and will – happen. Funny bounces are just a part of hockey and a great reason to love the game.

Reason #11 – Players falling down by themselves

…or as we like to call it, the Reason Alexander Semin is Beloved in the Cheap Seats.

Look, I know hockey is a game of skill. Of finesse. Of fine skating ability. It’s why we love it so much. But it’s also a game of the spectacular faceplant and the more spectacular rump landing and really anything that makes you want to cry out “toe pick!”. Because people falling down? Funny. People falling down without reason? Funnier. Throw in some ice and thousands of jeering hometown fans? You’ve got yourself the making of the smash comedy hit of the season.

It’s not the fault of the players, really. They’re not klutzes. They can’t be blamed if sometimes that ice is a little choppy or if the adrenalin just gets the best of them.

And hey, sometimes that blue line is really bumpy. Right, Sasha?

It’s another exciting day – and that means it’s time for the first installment of “Ask CapsChick”! There have been a lot of great questions (and…some odd ones), and I’ll be picking them out at random. Our first question is a two-parter courtesy of Leslie:

Hi Caps Chick:

Who gets your vote for being the worst official in the NHL? What other teams do you like besides the Caps?

Well, Leslie, let’s start with those pesky officials. At one time the answer would have been Kerry Fraser without a second thought, simply because he seems to take sick pleasure in tormenting the Caps every time he makes an appearance. And because he’s probably personally responsible for the Greenhouse Effect thanks to gratuitous overuse of hairspray.

But recent events have to be taken into account. Is it Bill McCreary, whose klutztastic tackle of Shaone Morrisonn on the 5 yard line almost cost the Caps a game against Columbus? Is it Chris Rooney, self-proclaimed Bruins fan and renowned overreactor? Is it Dan O’Rourke or Tim Peel, neither of whom understand what “incidental contact” actually means?

Is it Don Koharski? Is it Paul Devorski? Is it the gruesome twosome of Koharski and Devorski?

…oh, please don’t make me choose. It’d be easier to say who I thought was the best official. Um…umm…ummm…

Okay, so moving on! What teams do I like besides the Caps?

I spent my young and innocent college days in Montreal, four years of heaven in one of hockey’s meccas. While there I began following the Canadiens more out of a need to have a local team I could follow in the absence of my beloved Caps…but soon developed a love for a team that was, at the time, an underdog to beat all underdogs. It was my first introduction to names like Saku Koivu, Andrei Markov, and yes, Jose Theodore.

So the Caps are my number one team and always will be, but I’m always keeping an eye on the Habs. As for other teams, it’s no secret which ones I loathe with every fiber of my being but I don’t hate them all. I fell for the Flames during their Finals run in 2004; I had friends who indoctrinated me into SensNation while in Montreal and really any Canadian team has a special place in my heart.

Except the Leafs.

I just can’t.

Well, here we are. The dark days of summer.

Nothing…is…happening.

The next big date on Caps’ fans radar? July 24, when we get two thrilling moments: Shaone Morrisonn’s arbitration hearing takes place and Mike Green will meet fans at a Caps Open House (aka another “Buy our tickets! BUY THEM!” event).

Because those two exciting snippets of time warrant about as much coverage as I just gave them and 64 Reasons will only take up so much space, it’s time for drastic measures. This space will not go dark. The hiatus is over. There may not be any hockey for at least another month but gosh darn it we can find something to talk about!

So let’s try something new and, dare I say it, a little bold: Ask CapsChick.

That’s right. Anything and everything on which you would like an opinion is fair game, as long as it has some sort of association with hockey. That means if you want to know my thoughts on reducing the size of goalie pads or the recent IIHF suspensions, ask away. If you want to know what Sidney Crosby’s lips are really made of or the scandalous story of the torrid love affair between Slapshot and ThunderBug, this is the time.

Because let’s face it – a small minority of you may be deluded enough to really care what ol’ CC thinks about things, but really what it comes down to is the fact that we’re all just bored and starving for hockey talk. ANY hockey talk. I think this will fit the bill just fine, don’t you?

To participate you can either leave your question(s) in a comment on any post (making sure to reference “Ask CC” in some way) or send it via email to capschick [at] dccheapseats [dot] com. I’ll try to get to as many as I can – or all two if my predictions come true – right up until training camp.

And remember, nothing is too ridiculous or odd to ask. This is the Cheap Seats we’re talking about, remember? Ridiculous and odd are money around here.

The only rule is that you keep your questions (somewhat) clean. And while questions from non-Caps fans are of course welcome, no flaming. Evil trolls will be banished back to the bridges from whence they came.

So get those thinking hats on, folks. Challenge me. I dare you.

So Ovechkin lost the ESPY. To Sidney Crosby.

Yes, ESPN is a ridiculous anti-hockey network at this point and yes, the ESPYs are probably the least prestigious award an NHLer can win at this point.

But still. Crosby??

Before I get attacked by angry Yinzers, this actually isn’t a dig at the Penguins or their fans. I don’t think this was Pittsburgh fans being idiots – even they know that if they wanted to be ridiculously homerish, Malkin was a better choice than #87. Anyone who watched this season knows Crosby just wasn’t playing enough to even be considered NHLer of the year.

So clearly it’s just a matter of the average ESPY voter being oblivious to hockey and therefore picking what is probably the most familiar name. But what is ESPN’s excuse for even having him on the ballot? You put someone who had an injury on there instead of someone like Zetterberg or even Kovalchuk…and all you do is live up to your reputation as a moronic institution.

Whatever. He can keep the oddly phallic award, and for one reason.

Okay, four reasons.

h/t to Japers for the heads-up and to a Japers’ commenter for the photo idea